The tragedy of social capital

I'm growing quite disturbed with a tendency I see in our culture, mostly because I see it in myself. To put it simply, I'm speaking of the tendency to surround ourselves with "beautiful" people to make ourselves look cool. We make friends or associate ourselves with people who are beautiful, or talented, or popular to improve our social capital (our value in society). The problem with that is it only feeds the concept that value is based on beauty or talent or popularity. It becomes something extrinsic, so if we're not born with it (physical appearance, athleticism, personality, etc) then we have to fake it (fashion, makeup, working out, watching our waistline, etc). One of the ways we fake it is by having other "cool" people think that we're "cool". It's all quite fickle and foolish, yet it keeps creeping up on me.

Instead, I want to value people because of their intrinsic beauty, because God made them special and that alone makes them beautiful. I don't want to feed society's ideal that value is external. Jesus loved people who were social outcasts. If it were today, he'd probably have disciples that were fat, geeky, unkempt, and poor. He saw past the external to their intrinsic beauty. He loved people because they were all valuable to God. That's how I want to love people, but too often it becomes mercenary, for my own gain. I end up building relationships to increase my social capital. And even relationships with "uncool" people are not for their sake, but so that I might appear compassionate. If someone could actually love people solely for what he could give and not for what he gets out of it, he would probably be the most different guy on the planet.

So I'm working on that, but it's not easy fighting against these selfish habits I've been raised to accept by my flesh and by this culture. But then, if love and grace were easy we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

First 'blog post' of 2007

I'm struck deep by Augustine's illustration of carrying this burden of sin like a burden of sleep, something we know we need to wake from but find it so difficult to do. All this talk of sin recently has brought me face to face with grace. The kind of grace that surrounds any interaction with the Almighty, so much so that it's dripping with it. The kind of grace that covers us and smooths out all the bumps like liquid chocolate on a strawberry. The irony is I try so hard to avoid grace in my efforts to be perfect. I do everything I can to convince others and myself that I don't need grace. But the truth is, if it were not for my sin, my bumps, I would never know the grace of God. So the very thing I'm hiding from is the very thing that will lead me to Him. Afterall, it was the spiritual ones who thought they 'got it' that Jesus so heavily criticized. It was the messy people that surrounded Him. To a helplessly devoted perfectionist, this is a hard pill to swallow. And living in a culture that performs for it's approval, this doesn't make any sense. We do everything we can to look good, and surround ourselves with people that will only make us look better. This upside-down nature of grace doesn't fit the system of life that I've created for myself. That's why it's so much easier to roll over and go back to sleep, even though I know it's far better to be awake, I just don't know how to live there. So I'm left to battle my culture, and myself, not for first place, but for last, not to be greater, but to be less. It's a tough battle because it goes against everything I've ever known. But there's a joy that I know can never be found on this side of the battle, which leaves only the fight. And that's why I can never give up. It's worth it, and heaven knows I can be pretty stubborn sometimes. :)

Grace for more than drug-addicts and sex offenders

I was having a conversation recently with a friend who said he often feels like he has no testimony to share next to people who've been saved out of some seriously "sinful" lifestyles. After all, you have to admit "I grew up in church, got saved when I was 4, and lived happily ever after" isn't that impressive a display of God's grace....or is it? Truth of the matter is every one of us has been saved from a heart that's twisted and broken, deceptive and selfish. If God had allowed me to go my own way, then my story would be as sad and desperate as many others I've heard. But he didn't. Because of God's grace in my life He saved me from all that rather than saving me out of all that. Because of God's grace in my life I don't have to give into the selfish desires of my heart. I couldn't do that by myself. I know the thoughts of my heart, and it scares me to think if they were to have their way. It's only by God's grace that I can make choices contrary to my selfishness.

A prime example came up for me this week, and it allows me great opportunity to boast in God's grace. I have long been planning a trip to North Carolina to visit with the fam over the holidays. I was going to drive my car down and visit with friends on my way to and from. My brother and sister-in-law had to make their visit the week prior because of work commitments. However, when they were there they had car trouble and had to leave their car in the shop. So the new plan became that they would drive my parents Suburban home, which I would return when I drove down, and drive back up with their car. Seems like a great plan, minus one small objection, my selfish heart. I'm quite comfortable and familiar with my own car and all the amenities it provides, everything short of serving drinks and a bag of pretzels. This may seem like a small deal for many, but comfort and familiarity are a big deal on a long trip. So needless to say, it was not with ease that I consented to the new plan, but only by God's grace. Were I to make that decision on my own, I would've said make other arrangements cause I've been planning this for months and this is what I want to do. It's only the grace of God that could allow me to say no to my own selfish desires and agree to the alternative plan. And as a result my joy abounds. Not my joy in my own selfish comfort, but my joy in knowing I'm not a slave to my selfish desires. I can choose love over self. But not on my own, it's God's grace that saved me from these things. God continues to show His grace in my life everyday that He allows me to defeat my selfish heart. That's the grace that I boast in everyday. That's why I can stand next to the rehabbed drug-addict and former sex offender and say, "I too was lost, but now I'm found" and weep together in God's grace to selfish, messy sinners.

Another month, another post. Or should I say, another slow friday night, another post. Lately my mind's been mulling around this topic of grace, this idea that the more I recognize the reality of my sinfulness, the more I will delight in God's grace. Or as Jesus said, he who has been forgiven much, loves much. Manning suggests that it's in our moments of greatest defeat that we can find the greatest satisfaction in His grace. But it's really hard to see it that way sometimes. Maybe it is all a matter of perspective but my sin always seems to lead to disappointment, with myself, with being seduced by "lovers less wild," defeat in not doing what I want to do but doing what I hate. Maybe it is unrealistic expectations. Maybe it's not bad to come to the end of myself. Maybe it knocks me off my high lofty perch that I so delicately build for myself, propping up more and more fragile supports to decieve others, and often myself, that I actually belong there. Maybe it's this very circular reasoning that brings me back to the grace of God, flooding anew over a disappointed, defeated wretch like me. That might be a grace worth delighting in.

In other news, I read an article recently about C.S. Lewis' view of literature (He was a literature professor after all). He suggested that art is to be "recieved" and not "used". He said that to "use" art for your own ends is mercenary, that art is meant to be "recieved" by the reader/viewer/listener/whatever. For example, the author of the article suggested many pastors will come up with many a sermon outline tying into the new Chronicles of Narnia movie. He said that defeats the purpose of the movie. I think I like that perspective. It puts words to what I've long thought to be true. So now, when you go to see the movie, watch it for what you can get out of it, not how you can use it. Ok, enough from me for now. Peace.