signposts

Mostly I like life to be predictable because then I know what I'm getting myself into, but it often seems that what impacts your life the most are those things that take you by surprise. Such was the case for me in Africa. For the last two weeks I've been in Namibia with a team of 15 dancers and 13 others. I expected to go into this trip and love on these dancers like I do all my youth group kids, get to know them and experience life together with them. What I didn't expect was to have their love in return. And I don't just mean knowing these kids like you loving them, I mean always there for you, open their hearts to you, care about what's important to you kind of love. That's what took me by surprise. It's hard to explain the true significance of receiving love from others. For the longest time that seemed like a prideful, selfishness, but now it seems more like the consummation of the lover, to be loved by the beloved.

I think that very much mirrors our relationship with God. I think a lot of things about guy-girl relationships mirror our relationship with God. I think that's why God gave them to us. But it seems like God is crying out to His beloved creation and waiting for our love in return. Like the infamous DTR, God has laid His feeling all out on the table and now longingly waits for us to say those simple words, "I love you too." Maybe that's what spirituality is all about, us coming to say more and more, "I love you." If you're interested in following up on this idea with me, check out Psalm 139 where David recognizes God declaring His undying love and then his response in the last two verses. Sounds very much like a prayer I once read in the back of a 4 Spiritual Laws tract. Could it be that coming to faith sounds a lot more like committing to a relationship?

As much as I always skip over it when people leave random lyrics (it always seems like half a song, the lyrics work together with the music to create a harmonic whole) I'm going to leave these incomplete lyrics for you to ponder. It has to do with how our relationship with God is a lot like a DTR. Then maybe someday you'll have to ask me to play it for you so you can get the whole experience. :)

I don't know if I can take what you want me to say
I don't know that I can live up to all my expectations
Here I'm paralyzed at the edge of all I've ever wanted
Putting up a fight against the fears of everything I've ever known
So I'm found in that place where I jump or come back down
And all I want to say is...

I love you even though I don't know how
May my silence speak in better words than any I have found
I need you to right the ship I think I missed what
You were trying to say
So I close my eyes and I think of life without you here
I deeply sigh and I wake up, I wanna wake up where you are

How can I say for sure you're the only one for me
When my wandering eyes and feet are my tendency
Yet Your love remains the same despite my constant harlotry
Will I let my fears decide the fate of all my dreams
So I'm found in that place where I jump or come back down
And all I want to say is...