I have a confession to make. I must say I haven't made a real post in quite some time simply because of my superfluous desire (used a thesaurus for that one, cool word huh) to sound good (case and point with the thesaurus). See, what I write here shapes your perception of me. How I act, how I look, all those things shape others' perceptions of me. So I never write much because I don't have something super spiritual sounding to say and therefore would effect your perception of me. Even this post I've been laboring over trying to figure out how to communicate what I want to say. Well today I discovered it in a most unexpected place, in the book of Song of Solomon and a sermon from the 3rd century.
In his First Homily, Origen relates the first 12 verses of chapter 1 of the book of Song of Solomon to Christ's relationship with the church. In verse 6 the Beloved declares she's become dark skinned because her brothers made her work in the vineyards all day. She's ashamed because she was caring so much for the other vineyards that she couldn't care for the vineyard of her own body. Origen's point being that God loves us no matter how we look on the outside, but I think we as the church have it backwards. We're so busy caring for how spiritual we look outside that we neglect the true relationship. It's been said before in many ways, the church has come to look an awful lot like Pharisees. But these messages that have been preached to me so many times before, that I've repeated to others, are beginning to take deeper root in my soul. Rather than trying to deceive myself into believing that I'm more spiritual than I really am - and that even if I were, that would make God accept me any more or less - I need to count myself in the ranks of the lost, only drawn close to the Father because of the gospel of grace.
Brennan Manning writes, "As a sinner who has been redeemed, I can acknowledge that I am often unloving, irritable, angry, and resentful with those closest to me. When I go to church I can leave my white hat at home and admit I have failed. God not only loves me as I am, but also knows me as I am. Because of this I don't need to apply spiritual cosmetics to make myself presentable to Him. I can accept ownership of my poverty and powerlessness and neediness."
Ok, this post is getting long enough (thanks to those persistent few who have endured). And if these thoughts seem redundant for you, continue to read them and continue to listen, because maybe not this time, or the next, but one of these times, like me, it'll start to sink in. Then it'll be the sweetest thing you've ever known and you'll never hear enough. Thanks for stickin with. Peace.
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2 comments:
Mikey,
Wow, i would say you have me on the whole "pretend like i know what i am talking about!!" Seriously though, i love your heart dude. It's good to know that many of my college buds are still working out their salvation, even though we all know it will never be a perfect strugle in this life time. thanks for your consistancy. i too hope you can get out to the new place, or pershaps we could get out to pat's peek again....HA!! continue to share your thoughts they are good ones if not new ones. keeping in touch. god bless
to comment on your unhealthy desire to "sound good because it shapes what [people] think about you" i might humbly add that i appreciate the raw realness of unscripted thought. pursue excellence in all things, but don't forget you're human and some people (me included) appreciate the reality of seeing that someone else in the world doesn't have it all together either.
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