First 'blog post' of 2007

I'm struck deep by Augustine's illustration of carrying this burden of sin like a burden of sleep, something we know we need to wake from but find it so difficult to do. All this talk of sin recently has brought me face to face with grace. The kind of grace that surrounds any interaction with the Almighty, so much so that it's dripping with it. The kind of grace that covers us and smooths out all the bumps like liquid chocolate on a strawberry. The irony is I try so hard to avoid grace in my efforts to be perfect. I do everything I can to convince others and myself that I don't need grace. But the truth is, if it were not for my sin, my bumps, I would never know the grace of God. So the very thing I'm hiding from is the very thing that will lead me to Him. Afterall, it was the spiritual ones who thought they 'got it' that Jesus so heavily criticized. It was the messy people that surrounded Him. To a helplessly devoted perfectionist, this is a hard pill to swallow. And living in a culture that performs for it's approval, this doesn't make any sense. We do everything we can to look good, and surround ourselves with people that will only make us look better. This upside-down nature of grace doesn't fit the system of life that I've created for myself. That's why it's so much easier to roll over and go back to sleep, even though I know it's far better to be awake, I just don't know how to live there. So I'm left to battle my culture, and myself, not for first place, but for last, not to be greater, but to be less. It's a tough battle because it goes against everything I've ever known. But there's a joy that I know can never be found on this side of the battle, which leaves only the fight. And that's why I can never give up. It's worth it, and heaven knows I can be pretty stubborn sometimes. :)